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Rant post. Beware.

December 29, 2015


Seems like a sci-fi year. You would expect hovercrafts in the air, shuttles to other galaxies, and robots in every household.

But this is not a post about all that.

This is about me. A 27 year old unmarried girl living in India.   

I never thought the problems I generally see in movies would happen to a person like me.

My life has suddenly become a topic for people to discuss. I cannot believe the unnecessary pressure I am under just to get married. Relatives, complete strangers, and even a few from my own generation have been after me to get married. It’s weird how people are treating it like getting a driver’s license, “You should get it done this year itself!”

I have always been a very private person. I don’t interfere in someone’s private matters and no one has interfered in mine. Until now. Everything is just bewildering.

The comments I receive after explaining to them that I am simply not ready to get married are appalling. Someone said that I was being difficult. Someone else said I was being selfish. Another said I was being a burden to my family. I have stopped counting the number of times I have heard this particular one,

“Your father is old. Your mother is old. You are old.”  

(And hello! 27 is regarded as young adult in the book section.) I was even asked why was I working in Bangalore. Her reason being it was a waste of time because I would have to quit my job and move to wherever my husband would be. Sigh.

 The worst was when a boy, a few years older to me, told my mother if I wouldn’t get married soon, it would be very difficult to mold me later in life. WTF. (And people ask why we need feminism.)  

An aunt I met recently brought up the topic within the first ten minutes of me being in her house. She was shocked by the privilege I had that I could decide when I wanted to get married. I also mentioned that I was turning 28 next year and her reaction reminded me of the time when I asked my friend who the guy on the FIFA CD was (it was Messi).

I guess she thought she was being understanding to say, getting married was not like how it was before, you could fall in love and find someone by yourself.

But she pulled up two conditions. He would have to be a Christian and he would have to be a Malayalee.

How is that very different from before? I am surprised how a 70 year old woman still believes 2016 followed the same way of life as the 1950’s. But even so, I understand where she’s coming from. She has only seen a certain way of life over her 70 years and it’s mind boggling to see another way to lead a life.  

It’s stupid how people expect you to fall in love with someone from within the community in 2016. It’s stupid how people break the couple up when he/she don’t belong to the same religion, the same caste and speak the same language.

Falling in love and choosing to be someone’s partner is such a private and lovely thing. Why would people want to break up such a sacred bond between two souls? I find that unforgivable.

Deciding whether to get married or not is such basic human right to me. Deciding who you want to spend the rest of your life with is another basic human right to me. Why don’t people just get that?


** I know I am ranting. But it just had to be written.

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